I have been procrastinating on writing this for a couple of hours now, so I have pushed myself to start writing.
I know as soon as I have completed this chapter, I will feel so much better and accomplished than I will have procrastinating through online shopping (but FYI I do need new workout leggings ok!).
So a couple of weeks ago, I spoke about my anxiety ratcheting up and having a panic attack. At the time I couldn’t really talk about it, and whilst things haven’t calmed down much since then, I feel like I can talk about it more.
There has been a lot going on at the moment that seems to be whacking me over the face. Almost every week something new comes out and it is pushing my anxiety higher and higher.
I feel like that panic attack was the lid bursting off the coca cola bottle.
I screamed at H, upset Conan and sobbed my heart out that I had a panic attack, mourning the long period of peace I had been enjoying.
It honestly felt like my brain lit up in the initial moment and then got sucked down, through a murky wormhole that I could do nothing to stop, my thoughts being flung around faster than Dorothy in her tornado.
Panic attacks are never nice, no matter their size or severity but I know now, after all these years that they can’t hurt me. I scream, sob and walk around and at the end of it I fall exhausted.
I give myself lots of self care (even if this means sleeping), and take it super easy for a few days until I feel strong enough to pick myself up, and then I put my big girl panties on, sit up and get back to it.
I reach out to my most beloved, talk to them, even if I don’t tell them what is going wrong. Talking to my loving family and friends helps remind me that the world is not in my head, that it is beyond me, open to explore. They shower me with the love I need to feel and the opportunity to get out and about if I need it.
So if you too are struggling with panic attacks, give yourself a break. Lie back, put on the relaxation music and cut yourself some slack. You deserve it. Or call your Mum, or Dad or best friend, and say ‘hey, I just wanted to have a chat because I love you.’
Also know that your not alone. So many people around this world suffer from it too, and whilst it may not make you feel better in the moment, knowing that you are not alone can really help you pick yourself back up.