I went to a barre attack class on Monday night. I really like barre attack, I get to feel like the ballet dancer I never was. I can still dream about doing classes and coming out this elegant, graceful woman who moves like clouds transport her everywhere.
Now barre attack is not ballet, and I know that. Its this high intensity, ballet / pilates mix that feels like the instructor is trying to murder you through dance.
I put up with the murder attempts and even push through the tendons in my feet screaming at me that they are tearing, because I am so damn committed to the dream of the elegant ballet dancer!
Normally I have to do alternate moves because my feet cannot handle it, however I bought myself these nifty foot wraps that really help support my feet. Which meant on Monday I got to do two-thirds of the full movements, feet involved.
This is when the horror started.
The alternate moves do not normally involve bouncing, or jumping, or anything that involves your feet leaving the floor at the same time. So Monday night is the first night I actually got to bounce and jump in the class.
Now picture this – I am a curvy girl, wearing leggings and an oversize Adidas workout t-shirt. I sweat A LOT when I work out, and I get really really red (like Santa red). So I am red, and sweaty and a little bit prudish and self conscious.
I am a red, sweaty heffalump trying to keep up in a class WITH NO BREAKS.
When I started to do the bouncing moves I felt it. The boobs started to bounce, the tummy started to join in too, I was expecting that, its one big ol’ bounce fest all over.
The fat on the side of my bum though!?
How does the fat on the side of the bum move?
The bum cheek, totally there for it, theres a lot of fat there to bounce, but the fat that sits much closer to your hip? I have never, ever felt that before and it was helping to push the fat of my butt into the crease where my bum joins my leg.
Now my thoughts are as follows:
Is this twerking?
Is this what twerking feels like?
I have never twerked.
There is nothing wrong with twerking, but its something I have never assumed I could do.
I see other more accomplished women rock their hearts out with the twerk and have admired from afar.
Have I cracked my twerking cherry?
Is this something I should expect whenever I ‘bounce’?
Does this happen to other people?
Who has fat on the side of their bum that moves seperately? Isn’t it all one bum? How is this even possible?
Why does gravity have to point out these flaws to me?
The horror came when the sweat dribbled into the crease between my bum and legs and I could almost feel the slapping sound.
Thank goodness the music was loud. The situation gave a whole new meaning to the term ‘the clap.’ (Pun intended)
So I will be returning to barre attack on Monday next week. If someone could clarify if this was indeed twerking for me, it would be greatly appreciated.
Now whilst embarrassing (the sweaty slappiness, not the twerking), its not really a big thing, in fact I doubt anyone even noticed.
However I wanted to share my weird and wonderful thoughts on this class, because I’m not a beautiful exerciser. I look horrific, and my bodily functions are not glamorous.
I feel so, so awkward at that class, and felt even more awkward because even though I had the thought about twerking, I know for a fact I did not look nearly as cool as the girls I have seen on Facebook.
But I still want to go, because I want to do something good for my body, and sod what anyone else thinks about how I look. I like barre attack and so I want to keep going back.
I just hope that by sharing my awkward moment it will help anyone else who may feel awkward exercising that you are not the only one!
My body is a guarantee for awkwardness during exercising, and thats ok. And it’s ok for you too. So get out there and move, be free and be awkward.