I have been procrastinating on writing this for a couple of hours now, so I have pushed myself to start writing.
I know as soon as I have completed this chapter, I will feel so much better and accomplished than I will have procrastinating through online shopping (but FYI I do need new workout leggings ok!).
Last week I had a break from my screens at home.
I ran instagram on autopilot, watched re-runs of Archer, and slept.
I work in the corporate world, so I stare at screens all day, typing away, and it can be really difficult to come home at night and do it all over again.
So.. I fell in a hole and had a huge panic attack last week, and really until today I have been sleeping or on autopilot.
I don’t really have a huge amount to say on it at the moment, except to let anyone else struggling right now that you aren’t alone.
You know, sometimes I feel quite mental.
In the throws of a panic attack, I am at such a heightened state that everything looks and feels a bit technicolour.
However other times, everything seems quite normal, but sometimes I wonder what is actually real and what isn’t. I’m not talking hallucinations or anything, just sometimes feeling things are a little off.
So I am considered over weight.
After years of medical issues more serious than my weight, I am not afraid to admit I have a little too much weight on this frame.
And this is where I promptly fall foul of the weight loss industry and how it interacts with the medical sector.
So, its one am in the morning as I write this, and I have to be up for work soon, but I cannot sleep.
I have been watching Chef’s Table on Netflix, and it has to be one of the most inspiring shows I have watched in some time.
So H and I attended an engagement party yesterday for some family friends.
And I will preface this now by saying no, I do not want to get engaged, certainly not now, but in the future, maybe.
(However back to the point) The couple was as all newly engaged couples are; happy as can be. Happy as pigs in mud. So in love with each other that it radiated to all of us, and made us happy just to know that they are happy.
So I was unwell this week.
Unwell enough that I had two days off of work. Which has really kicked me in the motivational nutsack.
They say bad things always come in threes. That has certainly been true for my life the last 3 months.
Let me preface this by saying that H and I have been struggling for a while. Not with each other; rather with the circumstances we have been thrown into over the last 2 – 3 years.
Whilst its been tough, we’ve been there together through it all.
So I started writing on here almost two weeks ago now. And in a way its been liberating.
However I haven’t really given away any information yet that could affect what goes on in my ‘real life.’
Recently, I linked my Instagram account to my Facebook account, which allows people I know to see that I am posting on Instagram again.